My Heroic Battle

There are some things in this world that when you see them, they will shake you to your very core. Last night I experience one of them, and ended up having to fight for my very life. It all started when my girlfriend (whom I live with) went to go brush her teeth...

Now, of course hearing a scream like that gets you a little worried that your night is about to turn into an extreme radioactive version of Gladiator. So of course I go and investigate what has gotten my girlfriend so terrified. I could never have prepared myself for what would happen next.

What I see terrifies me. It is the largest cockroach I haver ever seen in my life. It was like 10 feet long and had to weigh about 500 pounds. Seriously, here is a diagram of what I saw.

Terrified, we start to slowly back away from the roach that set up camp in our bathroom, but the worst thing that could have happened does. The giant, evil roach, that probably came into existence because of some North Korean nuclear experiment, sees us and determines that we are a threat to its dominance over the earth. Now I don't know if you have experienced something similar, but this evil thing reared up on two legs and started scurrying toward us.

 It was then that I knew what I had to do. In order to protect my girlfriend, my apartment, and my way of life, I had to risk my own life and fight this Satanic, radioactive cockroach and banish him from my house. After a long and grueling fight I saw an opening.

 I kicked a hole right through its exoskeleton, then kicked it through the wall.

 Unfortunately after gaining the upper-hand, I was exhausted and couldn't fight any longer, but the roach was still alive. I had to pray for a miracle or it would just get back up and rip off my head. Then I see something speeding in the distance.

 

My miracle had been delivered in the form of a giant benevolent worm, whose diet I'm assuming consists mainly of giant cockroaches and thankfully not skinny college students. My night was over, I had won. I briskly retired to my bed and let sleep take me. I do have to look into patching up that wall sometime though.

......OK so thats not exactly quite how it happened. Maybe it went more like this..

 But to be fair, It was still a rather large roach, that would compare favorably in size to any other bug I have seen, and it was pretty scary and gross looking. My girlfriend was absolutely terrified too.