Sunday, May 30, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
My Heroic Battle
There are some things in this world that when you see them, they will shake you to your very core. Last night I experience one of them, and ended up having to fight for my very life. It all started when my girlfriend (whom I live with) went to go brush her teeth...
Now, of course hearing a scream like that gets you a little worried that your night is about to turn into an extreme radioactive version of Gladiator. So of course I go and investigate what has gotten my girlfriend so terrified. I could never have prepared myself for what would happen next.
What I see terrifies me. It is the largest cockroach I haver ever seen in my life. It was like 10 feet long and had to weigh about 500 pounds. Seriously, here is a diagram of what I saw.
Terrified, we start to slowly back away from the roach that set up camp in our bathroom, but the worst thing that could have happened does. The giant, evil roach, that probably came into existence because of some North Korean nuclear experiment, sees us and determines that we are a threat to its dominance over the earth. Now I don't know if you have experienced something similar, but this evil thing reared up on two legs and started scurrying toward us.
It was then that I knew what I had to do. In order to protect my girlfriend, my apartment, and my way of life, I had to risk my own life and fight this Satanic, radioactive cockroach and banish him from my house. After a long and grueling fight I saw an opening.
I kicked a hole right through its exoskeleton, then kicked it through the wall.
Unfortunately after gaining the upper-hand, I was exhausted and couldn't fight any longer, but the roach was still alive. I had to pray for a miracle or it would just get back up and rip off my head. Then I see something speeding in the distance.
My miracle had been delivered in the form of a giant benevolent worm, whose diet I'm assuming consists mainly of giant cockroaches and thankfully not skinny college students. My night was over, I had won. I briskly retired to my bed and let sleep take me. I do have to look into patching up that wall sometime though.
......OK so thats not exactly quite how it happened. Maybe it went more like this..
But to be fair, It was still a rather large roach, that would compare favorably in size to any other bug I have seen, and it was pretty scary and gross looking. My girlfriend was absolutely terrified too.
Now, of course hearing a scream like that gets you a little worried that your night is about to turn into an extreme radioactive version of Gladiator. So of course I go and investigate what has gotten my girlfriend so terrified. I could never have prepared myself for what would happen next.
What I see terrifies me. It is the largest cockroach I haver ever seen in my life. It was like 10 feet long and had to weigh about 500 pounds. Seriously, here is a diagram of what I saw.
Terrified, we start to slowly back away from the roach that set up camp in our bathroom, but the worst thing that could have happened does. The giant, evil roach, that probably came into existence because of some North Korean nuclear experiment, sees us and determines that we are a threat to its dominance over the earth. Now I don't know if you have experienced something similar, but this evil thing reared up on two legs and started scurrying toward us.
It was then that I knew what I had to do. In order to protect my girlfriend, my apartment, and my way of life, I had to risk my own life and fight this Satanic, radioactive cockroach and banish him from my house. After a long and grueling fight I saw an opening.
I kicked a hole right through its exoskeleton, then kicked it through the wall.
Unfortunately after gaining the upper-hand, I was exhausted and couldn't fight any longer, but the roach was still alive. I had to pray for a miracle or it would just get back up and rip off my head. Then I see something speeding in the distance.
My miracle had been delivered in the form of a giant benevolent worm, whose diet I'm assuming consists mainly of giant cockroaches and thankfully not skinny college students. My night was over, I had won. I briskly retired to my bed and let sleep take me. I do have to look into patching up that wall sometime though.
......OK so thats not exactly quite how it happened. Maybe it went more like this..
But to be fair, It was still a rather large roach, that would compare favorably in size to any other bug I have seen, and it was pretty scary and gross looking. My girlfriend was absolutely terrified too.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Inagural Blog!
This is the story of the beginning of my fame(as of yet not reached...). So I'm laying in bed in my apartment trying to come up with ways to not be poor any more. Of course, like any rational 20 year old male, I reject the idea of getting a job. Then at 4 AM, in my delirious state of half asleep/half too worried about eating to sleep, I realize the best way to make money is to become famous. Finally my body(thinking this is a legitimate option, and realizing I wont run out of food for at least another week) passes out. I the morning I am waken up not buy my alarm clock like normal humans but by the infernal noise of hell that comes from my neighbors washing machine.
You see, my neighbors basement, which includes their washing machine, is right underneath my bedroom. I'm not sure if in their many years of life that they never learned how to load a washing machine or if they got it from a junk yard placed an ancient Indian burial site and its now possessed by the things from Poltergeist (in wich case it probably makes their clothes all ectoplasm-y), but it is the loudest appliance ever. It makes me want to hulk out, bash through the floor to access their basement, and chuck it at the nearest other thing I hate in order to destroy two evil birds with one stone (most likely would be someone talking on their phone while driving)
Oh that would bring me such happiness, but I digress.
Anyway, at least laying awake in bed gave me a chance to ponder the many ways to become famous. I quickly ruled out football or rap singer, my skinny white body would last long in either career. Next I ruled out any thing that would take too much effort on my part, such as becoming leader of the world or discovering anti-gravity technology(both of which would probably lead to the end of the world). It was then that I learned that real fame might be out of my reach, but Internet fame could be the solution to all my problems. Thus I became a blogger! From now on, in order to reach fame I will blog about many topics including but not limited to.. my life as a poor college student; video game and movie related activities; my opinions on pop culture; randomness that holds no real point or underlying meaning, but is funny anyway; and the many things that I feel that you, the reader, should know about life in general. Enjoy and help me on my road to fame!!
You see, my neighbors basement, which includes their washing machine, is right underneath my bedroom. I'm not sure if in their many years of life that they never learned how to load a washing machine or if they got it from a junk yard placed an ancient Indian burial site and its now possessed by the things from Poltergeist (in wich case it probably makes their clothes all ectoplasm-y), but it is the loudest appliance ever. It makes me want to hulk out, bash through the floor to access their basement, and chuck it at the nearest other thing I hate in order to destroy two evil birds with one stone (most likely would be someone talking on their phone while driving)
Oh that would bring me such happiness, but I digress.
Anyway, at least laying awake in bed gave me a chance to ponder the many ways to become famous. I quickly ruled out football or rap singer, my skinny white body would last long in either career. Next I ruled out any thing that would take too much effort on my part, such as becoming leader of the world or discovering anti-gravity technology(both of which would probably lead to the end of the world). It was then that I learned that real fame might be out of my reach, but Internet fame could be the solution to all my problems. Thus I became a blogger! From now on, in order to reach fame I will blog about many topics including but not limited to.. my life as a poor college student; video game and movie related activities; my opinions on pop culture; randomness that holds no real point or underlying meaning, but is funny anyway; and the many things that I feel that you, the reader, should know about life in general. Enjoy and help me on my road to fame!!
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